Arrow
by Aeyria
Summary: One-Shot. Song-fic. This arrow that's reached my heart, feels like a part of my body now. Even though it hurts to death, I can't remove you, who's stuck in my heart. Because it's love. Because for me, it's love.


**(Ai's POV)**

Silently throwing off my blankets that had been wrapped around me moments earlier, I slipped out of my insipid and austere room. Gloom hazed the empty and lonely hallways that I was traveling in. My light footsteps echoed wherever I stepped, amplifying the volume slightly. The house seemed dreary and vacant of any life, but that's only because everyone had escaped into their perfect world of dreams.

Upon arriving at the destination in my mind, I grabbed for the door handle that separated me from the outside world. As I swung the door open, gusts of wind met me as I entered onto the small balcony. It wasn't frigid air that was surrounding me, but it wasn't a warm temperature either. The rustling of leaves sounded out once and a while, along with the occasional chirping of crickets. I could faintly see the outline of some trees in the distance, along with the railing of the balcony and the moonlight shining on me. Lifting myself onto the side railing of the balcony, the area closest to the door, I leaned myself against the house as I sat down, trying got rid my thoughts. I tried enjoying the pleasure of being in nature, but it wouldn't help with my thoughts.

The cool air skimmed over my outstretched fingertips as I sighed softly into the night. I felt lonely out here in the darkness of midnight, but then again, I was usually an outcast toward everyone. Everyone I know is probably swirled around in the most wonderful dreams they would imagine inside the comfort of their room. On the other hand, Kudo-kun is sleeping over here tonight because Hakase had planned a new "adventure" for the Detective Boys, but needed Kudo-kun to check over it to make sure they could solve it by themselves. Tonight, however, was different from other sleepless nights I experienced. Those haunted thoughts I always pushed to the back of my mind had been able to resurface after several attempts. Of course. It's about him. Kudo-kun. Someone who had always been able to make me lapse into a long thought process.

* * *

><p><em>But the traces you left in my heart had been able to make me able to breathe. <em>

All the times and moments you had been near me and cared for me sneaked back into my now-opened heart. After I had met you, all those concise moments had been able to spur me on to try to live in this dangerous world. It wasn't that cliched saying, "Love at first sight," but similar to those lines. Once I had first laid eyes on you, I didn't feel an attraction toward you. It was more of a peaked curiosity to find out more about you. The longer I had been around you and learned all of your feelings, the peaked interest turned into "crush." Soon after you had first rescued me from death and the clutches of the Black Organization, the "crush" developed into one-sided love. I know for a fact I'm not infatuated with you because I'm not clingy to you like a certain someone I know who was his childhood friend.

_When the long night is colored by the moonlight, will this inescapable wait all end? _

All those long nights I had suffered shortly after I realized about my one-sided love, had been brought to an end once I convinced myself you weren't mine. How could you be mine? I can only watch you behind curtains of shadows and uncertainty. I never was good at releasing true feelings, and I never will. My face always hid under veils of secrets. My voice always laced with sarcasm. All of this was to protect and repel anyone who would dare enter into my heart, but it hadn't seemed to work for you. You made it and embedded himself, without even knowing. I wait all day and night to see whether you would ever notice this me. Would you ever notice me? A girl who seemed to be emotionally challenged?

_I wish for a miracle and ask and answer myself._

Numerous times when I was bored and had nothing to do, I would make up these fantasies of you and me together. I would consider what I would do during that particular scene when you present me with flowers, or brush locks of my hair away from my face. Wishing with all my heart, but creating these never-going-to-happen love scenes to try to make up for it. Always asking and answering my wishes, deflecting any that would stay to long and infect my mind. I would sometimes think "I wish he would ask me too," but slay that thought by, "He wouldn't ask you in a million years even if you begged him."

_Oh, I can't tell you about me, who wants to reach your heart._

If I even tried telling the truth in my heart, you would laugh it off. I want to make a special spot for myself in your heart, like you unknowingly did to me. But whenever I do begin saying it, I see your reaction, horror and disbelief. I change it up into a joke, laughing it off as if I did it to see what you would do. You play along with the cover-up method, saying that my words were like I was telling the truth. Guess what? I was. If I ever do build up the courage to finally tell you, I know that you have another girl in your mind. A certain girl, who seems in all aspects, perfect for the detective like you. However, there's one aspect that I see that you would never. She doesn't like you with your mysteries. I guess Mouri-san can't handle being second choice to an enigma. I can. I love seeing how you would solve the cases, and how sometimes I unintentionally help you too. We make a good team. But you'll never realize it, since I can't reach your heart.

_Like the starlight hidden behind the cold clouds. I love you, in the end, this painful confession that lingers at the edge of my lips slide down in tears._

I'm always behind every girl you meet anywhere. The hidden starlight if you would consider. But you wouldn't ever let that thought stray into your mind. In the end, I love you. It took me a while to realize that, but can't you see that I can be the one for you? I can't help it if I will go in denial if any boy had made it to my heart. I try hard to close up myself, yet you still made it. One thing's missing though. My painful confession. It's always lingering at the edge of my lips whenever we're alone. But it ends up in tears. Whenever you do notice the liquid crystals sliding down my face, you ask if anything's wrong. I deny that there's anything out of place and make up an excuse you could only fall for.

_This arrow that's reached my heart, feels like a part of my body now. Even though it hurts to death, I can't remove you, who's stuck in my heart. Because it's love. Because for me, it's love. _

Other people would consider our situation as a fairytale. Me as the distressed Princess while you are the Knight in Shining Armor. I don't believe in that. I say you are more of an arrow. An arrow that pierced my heart despite the walls I hung around it. You feel like a part of me now. Someone I can never part with. As I see you light up with smiles that only Mouri-san can induce, it hurts to death that I have secret love for you. Regardless of all my tries to remove your arrow from me, I can never destroy the love. It's stuck in my heart, always lingering there. The arrow is indestructible because it's love. Only for me is it love. For you, it would never be love for me.

_Even if I can't have you. In the end, even when my heart is blocked by the wall of sad connection, I love you. Even if it's a place where I can just watch you because you're my everything._

I couldn't ever be yours. You're off limits to me. I can never have you by my side, standing proudly at who you ended up with. My heart's closing up again, but you'll forever be in there. The only connection you have with me is the Black Organization. You want to take them down as well, like I do, but sometimes you're ignorant about what you have, demanding I make more temporary antidotes. But I know why you act like that sometimes. It's because you have the same problem I do. You are blinded by your own love story. Even with that fact, I'll just watch you from afar. Always gazing at you when you travel through your life without me by your side. I'm fine with loving you from a place I can just watch you. But I'll never be happy. It's because you are my everything that I can by okay by having it a one-sided love.

_I stay up for so many nights. When the starlight becomes rain, that doesn't stop like my tears. Remember that I love you. _

I have restless nights because of you. Tonight's one of them. I gaze at the stars, wondering that if they became rain, they would never stop for it would be like my tears. If you ever bundle all the rain on Earth to come to one place, that wouldn't suffice the amount I had cried for you. You never know it, but whenever I cry for my deceased family, I cry for you too. Your life seems to be dwindling everyday because it's another day without you as your teenage form. Another day lost for you to love Mouri-san as your normal self. Remember, if she ever breaks your heart, I still have love for you, no matter how many times you have seemingly stomped on it.

_It's not tough, oh no. Because you have to be mine. In order for you to be you. Even if it hurts. Even if you make me cry. I love you._

Everytime I watch you with Mouri-san, it's not tough for me to watch. It's torture. You have to be mine. Only if you are mine, will you be yourself. Whenever you are with Mouri-san you act like some goof who's crazed by the girl in front of you. It's not true that you have love for Mouri-san. I can see that much through the fogged up glass. Around me, you are yourself. The intelligent detective who wants to bring justice, even though sometimes it's in the form of a game for you. Though it hurts. Though it makes me cry. I love you.

* * *

><p>Before I knew it, I had finally poured out all the feelings I had harbored out into tears. The night accompanying me depleted in sounds as if it was mourning with me as well. I had always pushed back these thoughts from staying too long because I always thought of suicide to escape from this world of pain and misery. From the position I was on the balcony railing, I could easily lean farther back and let gravity finish up the job. Though the fall may not kill me, going head first might at least cause some brain injury so I wouldn't have to think this ever again. I caught myself in the act before thinking any farther on the matter of suicide. Scolding myself mentally endless times, I slid down from my spot on the railing to wrap myself up into blankets and forget this ever happened.<p>

As I closed the balcony door from inside the house, I hurried to my bedroom. At the last turn in the hallway, however, I decided to take a detour. I strode lightly over toward Kudo-kun's current bedroom. Through the darkness, I tested out the doorknob to see whether it was locked or unlocked. It was unlocked. Slowly and quietly, I creaked open the door and slid into his room. I watched him sleep for a while, chest rising up and down, breathing slowly.

I couldn't help it. He was always on my mind now. I shuffled up next to his bed and trailed a finger down the side of his face. It was wonderful to see his face free of worries and at peace, even though it was only when he was asleep. Before I could stop myself, I leaned down and lowered my face toward his. Lightly, I pressed my lips against his, but it was only for a second. I rose again and reddened at what I had did. Deciding to make a quick escape, I rushed toward the doorway, with all the feelings I had every thought of heavy on my shoulders. Before I left, I whispered something into the air, four words that summed up everything weighing down on my shoulders.

"I love you, Shinichi…" And I left, locking away all my feelings as I shut the door. I had entered that bedroom with a heavy and dead heart, but as I had kissed Kudo-kun, I had created a key I finally needed. As I left the room, I used that key. I locked my feelings away… Forever. I will never let those feelings haunt me again. It's useless. I'll never be his. And that's because he'll never see my eyes ever open again, for they will be lifeless.


End file.
